Chickening out

I'm going to post a joke e-mail that I just received from my mom.  It's long, but it's pretty damned funny, I chuckled outloud to myself several times reading it.  Here it is:



Bush to be smitten later today

In a stunning development this morning, God invoked the "one nation, under God" clause of the Pledge of Allegiance to overrule last night's Supreme Court decision that handed the White House to George Bush. "I'm not sure where the Supreme Court gets off," God said this morning on a rare Today Show appearance, "but I'm sure as hell not going to lie back and let Bush get away with this bullshit. . . I've watched analysts argue for weeks now that the exact vote count in Florida 'will never be known.' Well, I'm God and I do know exactly who voted for whom. Let's cut to the chase: Gore won Florida by exactly 20,219 votes."

 Shocking political analysts and pundits, God's unexpected verdict overrules the official Electoral College tally and awards Florida to Al Gore, giving him a 289-246 victory. The Bush campaign is analyzing God's Word for possible grounds for appeal.

"God's ruling is a classic over-reach," argued Bush campaign strategist Jim Baker. "Clearly, a divine intervention in a U.S. Presidential Election is unprecedented, unjust, and goes against the constitution of the state of Florida."

"Jim Baker's a jackass," God responded. "He's got some surprises ahead of him, let me tell you. HOT ones, if you know what I mean." God, who provided the exact vote counts for every Florida precinct, explained that bad balloting machinery and voter confusion were no grounds to give the White House to "a friggin' idiot."

"Look, only 612 people in Palm Beach County voted for Buchanan. Get real! The rest meant to vote for Gore. Don't believe me? I'll name them: Anderson, Pete; Anderson, Sam, Jr.; Arthur, James; Barnhardt, Ron..."

Our Lord then went on to note that he was displeased with George W. Bush's prideful ways and announced that he would officially smite him today.In an act of wrath unlike any reported since the Book of Job, God has taken all of Bush's goats and livestock, stripped him of his wealth and possessions, sold his family into slavery, forced the former presidential candidate into hard labor in a salt mine, and afflicted him with deep boils.

Dick Cheney will reportedly receive leprosy. 

God also took time to overrule a few other recent decisions: 

Stunning the NBA, God overruled last night's Milwaukee Bucks 109-105 victory over the L.A. Lakers. Describing Sam Cassell's game-winning jumper with :03 to go as "lucky-ass bullshit," God waived off that basket. Lakers now win, 105-104.

God also overturned the results of the 1998 NCAA Final Four, awarding the NCAA National Championship to the North Carolina Tarheels. "There's just no way Utah beats UNC with Vince Carter and Antawn Jamison! I must have been napping during that one..." God announced that UNC actually was intended to beat Kentucky 85-71 in the NCAA title game, with Jamison recording a double-double, racking up 28 points and 19 rebounds to earn Final Four MVP honors.

Sending shockwaves through Hollywood, God announced that M*A*S*H should never have been cancelled and commanded the show be returned to the air, once Jamie Farr can be located. He also ruled that there may be no more movies starring David Spade.

I'm setting up the first Dell Inspiron 8000 laptop I've ever used.  I ordered us a couple of these after seeing that they scored a perfect ten in the review written by Maximum PC magazine.  So far, I'm not disappointed. They're big for a laptop, but not excessively so.  I could easily carry one around.  They're packed with features like built in firewire, and S-Video out.  You can even configure one with CD-RW and DVD drives, both of which can be in the device at the same time.  So, if you haven't gotten my Christmas gift yet, I'd like one of these, as I don't get to lay claim to either of these shiny new ones...

I managed to score an A on my final exam in my Presidency course, which pulled me up to an A- for the final grade.  I'm glad, I maintained my 3.67 UNI GPA. I did the math in my head for that, 2 courses, 6 credit hours, A- in both classes....

In comparison, my GPA from Iowa State was a whopping 2.58.

At this rate, it'll be another three years before I complete my second B.A., but the course load isn't too strenuous taking one class at a time.

I called this morning and rescheduled my dentist appointment for February 6.  I was supposed to have the first part of a crown taken care of tomorrow afternoon, but decided I really didn't feel like getting a tooth ground in half right before Christmas.  I didn't really want to put it off until February, but that was the next available time, so I guess I'll wait...