I'm in Ventura, Iowa (my hometown) today, to celebrate the annual Septemberfest, and to have my 10-year high school reunion. No, I won't be participating in either the greased pig contest or the cow drop bingo.

For those who don't know what cow drop bingo is, they mark off a grid on the grass, then erect a fence around the grid and release a cow into the pen. Each square is numbered, people then pay $5 each to claim a square, and the first square the cow defecates on collects the total. In the event that the cow simultaneously goes on two or more squares, they split the pot.